Check In Tuesdays

“Give me friendship or give me death” (Babylonian Talmud Ta’anit 23a)

Choni haMeagel was a famous miracle worker in the Talmud, and is best known for the story about the carob tree and the miraculous sleep that lasted seventy years. While out walking Choni happened upon a man planting a carob tree, when asked how long it would take for the tree to grow fruits, the planter said seventy years, whereupon Choni could not help to remark sarcastically, that surely the man would never be able to enjoy it. And the famous reply then followed “I found a world that had carob trees growing in it, As my ancestors planted for me, so will I plant for my children”. Choni then falls into a magical sleep, rivalled only by Sleeping Beauty, and wakes up seventy years later, only to meet the grandchild of the original man who planted the tree. This has become a powerful ecological reminder to us to add to the growth of the natural world. It is also usually seen as the end of the story.

However, the story continues with Choni realising that he must have slept for many years, and when returns to his home, and the study house no one recognises him, and all his close friends and family have died.  And then he exclaims “Chevrutah u’metuta” - Give me friendship or give me death”.   Without his friends and study colleagues, without his family, Choni is cut adrift, and in the end, chooses death. Despite the story’s rather melodramatic turn, the message is important. Closeness and friendship is vital to our wellbeing, and our sense of place in the world. Without chevrutah, without a chaver, friend, we cannot grow or be. 

I was reminded of this story when reading about ‘Check In Tuesdays’, a practice begun by many during the first lockdown, of assigning a day a week to check in with friends and family. This time around, most of us cannot get ourselves to do it. There is little to say, few news, and most of us are just trying to get through every week, with little energy to pick up the phone. 

And yet, it does feel like a little metuta - a small death, the disappearance of something vital for our wellbeing, when we don’t check in. It does not have to be a Tuesday, if Mondays or Wednesdays or any other day of the week work better for you, then choose them. Choni did not understand that though we cannot always see the outcome of our actions, or taste the fruit of what will be, nevertheless, those actions are important, and helps others. So assign a day, make a list of at least one name, and call them. You never know what fruits might grow from there.

Shabbat shalom