A Jewish Journey by Joel Beckman
“Dad, I didn’t know a man could be a rabbi too”. Words uttered by our older son, Eli when he was about 8 years old and my favourite anecdote to encapsulate why I am proud to be a Progressive Jew.
Until Crouch End Chavurah came into my life (thank you, Anna Wise) I had a straight-down-the-line, secular, United shul upbringing.
We were a standard 5 times a year shul family - Rosh Hashanah (2 days, natch), Yom Kippur; plus I always allow a couple extra for simchas in the calculation. Seder night in the big formal dining room at Nanna Betty’s house in Kenton was the highlight for me, my brother and the cousins - hunting the afikomen and for being allowed to stay up late and sneakily drink wine.
On the other side of the coin, kashrut was hardly ever considered and there were things in the fridge that would make the Rabbi from the Beth Din have an absolute fit. Mum did pretty much everything she could to get out of going to shul, having to wear a suit, hat and sit in the Ladies Gallery with the wives of the Bushey mafia for 3 or 4 hours. Burger King on the way to football on Saturday afternoon was more of a religious ritual than anything else.
Twas ever thus. Never knew any different. Went to Stonegrove once (Reform, but on the more religious end) and it felt weird sitting with my friend’s family altogether (squirming, sitting next to his sister in shul).
University was no different. Chair of J-Soc at Nottingham (I surely should have seen the Chair thing coming…), Hillel House for Friday night dinner; followed by most of us heading back to campus to make it into the Buttery (union bar) before 11.00pm. Shabbat, but with shapes on the dancefloor thrown in. Dated a frum girl from Birmingham once.
Even after Uni, having escaped the claustrophobia of Stanmore for Crouch End, I just used to go to Muswell Hill United because, you know…
But something never felt quite right. Once at Belmont, I particularly remember the new rabbi using his weekly sermon to call out members of the community he had seen on the high street buying non-kosher bread. That didn’t sit well. And the longer I went to services, the more “shushing” there seemed to be in shul. That’s before I even get into the cliques and the politics. Like a lot of other aspects in my life when I was growing up, the United Shul never felt the right fit for me.
At some point in my 20s, my uncle (same Jewish story as me) told me he’d started going to The Liberal Synagogue in Elstree. He’d had a heart attack and having found a place he felt comfortable in, subsequently started connecting with his faith.
I had grown up in Elstree and the TLSE was just a funny shack we drove past at the top of the hill on the way to Stanmore. But I went with my uncle once and was pretty blown away by Rabbi Pete Tobias (just Rabbi Pete to almost everyone) - an ageing hippie dad figure, with a guitar, decent tunes and great patter. He even loved football and, as urban myth now has it, used to take the Bar Mitzvah class to see Watford play at Vicarage Road after services.
Things evolved from there. Marthe and I met the charismatic (the now late) Rabbi Sidney Brichto (distant friend of the family connection), who told us he thought the Bible was a “great story”. I had found something that suddenly felt right - something progressive.
The Jewish faith - our customs, rituals and traditions have always evolved, haven’t they? We have always been flexible. Bent the rules even, when we needed to. Why would we want to pretend to preserve some arbitrary status quo of what we consider is “right”? Especially when that status quo is from 19th century Eastern Europe or a post-war formality that involves suits and ties on a Saturday.
So having a small role chairing the committee of our incredible, progressive community has been a pleasure. Something that never really felt like “extra work” (well, not much) because it was enjoyable and just became part of life for the last few years.
I’m not very good at standing up and speaking in front of the community. I prefer writing, so I’m glad I have this chance to put down some of the things I forgot to say at our picnic shabbat a couple of weeks ago. I love Crouch End Chavurah and it is great to see how it has grown, with a beautiful, distinctive personality of its own. Bringing our collective, active Judaism to this little part of North London.
Huge thanks Clive and Marie, Karen and Andrew, Miriam, Naomi, Leanne and Anna.
And so, I come back to women Rabbis and in particular Rabbi Sandra. She’s an inspiration and I have learned so much. It has been wonderful being on this journey with her. I look forward to seeing the Chavurah develop and the next chapter for our progressive community.