Turning Pain To Power
This shabbat is dedicated to talking about and raising awareness of violence against women, within the Jewish communities as well. For generations we, like the society around us, shied away from talking about the violence that sometimes happens behind closed doors. For surely Jews don’t do that sort of thing, right? Surely Jewish women are safe from harm? And yet, as we sadly know, domestic violence and violence against women happens everywhere, in all kinds of communities.. And so every Shabbat, when we read the story of Jacob and his wives, as well as the story of Dinah, we also take a hard look at the domestic violence that happens within our communities, and we raise awareness of the help that can be found if contacting Jewish Womens Aid (JWA), the help that can be found once a woman seeks help or just tells someone close to them.
We chose JWA as one of our High Holy days charities precisely because of the rise of sexual and domestic violence against women and girls, during and in the aftermath of the pandemic and the rising cost of living. JWA and other organisations like it support women through legal, welfare and housing advice, providing refuge where needed, and therapy for both the woman and her children, when they are ready for it. We tend to (rightly) focus on the emergency situation, when a woman is experiencing sexual or domestic violence and needs to find ways to leave, or when she has left and is fighting her way back to control of her own life. We rarely look at the aftermath, or the healing process that (hopefully) happens afterwards.
I am always reminded of the work and wisdom of the playwright and survivor V, (formerly Eve Ensler), who is part of the City of Joy movement in the Congo, where sexual violence is a deliberate tactic employed by the warring factions. They have established a place of sanctuary for women to regain their dignity, their self-confidence, and their will to live after the horrifying experiences they have been through. The wisdom principles they live by are inspiring and helpful if/when we experience domestic violence or support someone who is going through it.
The foundational principle articulated by the women themselves was that they wanted to ‘turn pain to power’. Its culture is ‘grounded in love and respect for each other’, and they have guiding principles to help them heal and learn, such as: tell the truth, stop waiting to be rescued, know your rights, raise your voice, share what you have learned, give what you want the most.
Our role is to listen, to learn, to help when it is needed or wanted, to know about JWA and other organisations, so that if a woman or girl needs the help we know where to turn. We can begin by talking about sexual and domestic violence, sharing our own experiences so that the women who need help will feel more able to also share their stories. We can talk about relationships, consent, and role models with our friends and family using these helpful Conversation Starters. We can learn and be inspired by reading about the work of JWA or City of Joy, even if the context is different than the one we are living in.
Domestic abuse and sexual violence can happen to anyone. If you are a Jewish woman or girl aged 16+ (14+ in London) and you have experienced abuse and would like some confidential support, please know that you can reach out to Jewish Women’s Aid.
For men who have experienced abuse, there is a specialist support service called Respect.
For LGBT+ people who are victims of domestic abuse and sexual violence, there is a specialist support service called Galop .