Wine, Tears, and Elephants In The Room - How To Approach Pesach This Year? by Rabbi Sandra Kviat

“The Passover Seder includes two powerful rituals of grief: dipping a leafy green into salt water and removing ten drops of wine from our cups. With salt water we stop to imagine the tears of our enslaved ancestors. With red drops of wine we stop to have empathy for the sufferings of our enemies. This Passover we gather even as our fellow Jews remain unfree, held hostage in perilous conditions. This Passover we gather even as Gazan civilians mourn their dead and fear daily for their safety. May we be granted the opportunity to hold the teachings of Pesakh and the dissonances of the present moment in ways that help us become people of greater heart and hope, seeking liberation and safety for all”. by Rabbi Maurice Harrishttps://ritualwell.org/ritual/passover-intention-5784/

My inbox is flooded with questions and thoughts about Passover. It is normal for this time of the year for Haggadah supplements to be shared widely, for people to write inspiring and interesting thoughts and blog posts about different themes that they will focus on for the seder. It is not normal, however, for the same thoughts and emotions to be repeated in so many different ways which is - how are we meant to approach Passover this year? What does it mean to talk about freedom in the context of the past six months? Pesach is a time of celebration, of going from slavery to freedom, from degradation to joy, as the ancient rabbis said. But joy and hope is not something most of us feel right now, and, frankly, many of us are feeling the dissonance that Rabbi Harris mentions in the kavanah (meditation) above.

Rabbi Amy Eilberg writes: “But this year, as a young friend recently told me, we have a problem. “Usually the haggadah is about us, the Jews, as the oppressed,” he said. “This year, in the midst of the war in Gaza, we are the oppressor.”

Many of us will have people at our seder tables who agree with this young man that we/Israelis are acting oppressively against the people of Gaza. At the same seder tables, there will likely be people who are profoundly offended by the image of Israelis (in Gaza or anywhere) as oppressors.

How do we encourage robust conversation at the seder about what is on all of our minds and in all of our hearts without descending into relational warfare at the seder table?”

How to talk about the elephant in the room at this year’s seder

There are no right and wrong choices about topics of conversation for our sedarim this year, for some it will be a welcome space to talk about what has happened, for others the topics are too divisive and destructive. An important wisdom is to think about what you want beforehand, and to decide beforehand/set expectations with the others who will be at the table before the evening itself. 

Rabbi Eilberg continues “Whether you will be at seder with loved ones or new friends, prioritize caring relationships. In this way, the seder can be a time for relationship-building and peacemaking, in the midst of a world at war. Remember that many of the people you are sharing seder with have been in great pain since October 7th, regardless of their particular views. Let Passover, above all, be a time when we offer comfort and care to one another”.

Our seder set-ups vary greatly and so we have gathered below a list of links to different supplements, and websites depending on what you might be looking for.

2024 AJR Seder Supplement - a profound and extensive supplement with thoughts and poetry (Academy of Jewish Religion).

A-Haggadah-for-These-Times-en.pdf (reform.org.il) - Progressive Judaism in Israel, with a focus on the Israeli experience. 

Talking-About-Israel-and-Palestine-at-Seder (truah.org) - Jewish Human Rights Organisation.

Bringing Teens to the Seder Table - creative ideas to help teens engage.

Passover for Kids | PJ Library - your one-stop website for all things Passover for kids, including a 15 min seder, craft activities, downloadable haggadot and much more.

“May this Passover be a time for building relationships and enhancing learning, even in this very difficult time. May we share important conversations rooted in this moment in Jewish history and may we all be nourished by our beautiful rituals and prayers. And next year, may we see a world at peace”.