Closing the Door
“How is the community doing? How are you doing?”. These past two weeks have been like nothing I’ve ever experienced as a rabbi, and so say many of my rabbinic colleagues too. I think it is important to say that I am OK, the community is OK, and we are surrounded by organisations and people supporting us, and helping us look after ourselves.
This week is as bewildering as the last one, we are feeling grief, fear, anger, worry and many more feelings, and now more than ever we have to remember to look after ourselves. We have added more useful guidelines and a helpful video to support you and your children/young people. The talk by Dr. Talya Greene and Dr Hannah Abrahams on how we can support young people in the UK cope with the situation, is incredibly helpful for parents, but I find that their calm explanations are good for all of us, no matter your age or situation.
Two main things have come up in the past week, one is about students in local secondary schools, and the other is about our close relationships. (I’ve been in contact with all of the university students that I have information on, and they are OK).
As you will have read, there has been a rise in anti-Semitic incidents, some of those in the secondary schools that our young people attend. There is fear and worry amongst parents, about their children and what they may be exposed to. I have been in close contact with Highgate Wood School and have established a relationship with the head teacher Mr. Cozier, and if anyone wants me to reach out to their schools, please do let me know. The Council, CST, the Police, Liberal Judaism, and many more organisations are in close contact with Jewish communities, and supporting us. I’m writing this to say that I feel that should something happen we have places and people to turn to, we are not alone. It is, however, important that you report any incidents, even if you feel they are small or insignificant, to CST, as the more we report the more funds and attention is allocated. We are making it clear that the needs of our community are different from those in other parts of the borough, and that is being heard.
The other thing that has come up in conversation many times is the painfulness of when a partner or close friend does not understand what we are going through. It’s important to communicate openly and try to explain your feelings and how innate this conflict is to us as Jews. It’s not about taking sides, or explaining the conflict. Try and avoid resentment, if you feel that the other person does not understand. We are all hurting with what is happening, however we understand the situation, and importantly, there is no competition of human suffering. It feels as if we are constantly being dragged into an either/or position, black and white, us and them. We can resist that. The humanity on all sides matters.
We are also exhausted, and I hope that you are looking after yourselves. Many are going into ‘lockdown’ mode again, curbing our news intake, stepping away from social media, remembering everyday routines, going for walks, reaching out and connecting. Try and switch off your mobile phone for shabbat, if you can, or at least leave it behind for a few hours. Get outside, even if the weather is wet and miserable. 'There is no such thing as wrong weather, just wrong clothing’, as we say in Scandinavia.
There’s an interesting wisdom in the Torah portion for this Shabbat about Noah and the Ark. As all the animals have been loaded, and we imagine the seawater is rising, and the fear is palpable, it says ‘and God closed the door’ (Gen 7.16). I’ve always imagined that the explanation for this was that they were in such a great hurry as the water was rapidly rising. But there’s another explanation; Noah was struggling to close the door because of his fears for his friends, his extended family, and the world outside. Sometimes we have to have someone help us close the door, so that we can rest. Sometimes we are not able to do it ourselves. We might feel that we can't, or have a sense of (survivor's) guilt if we do. But as Dr. Hannah Abrahams says in the PAJES resource, we have to shut the door once in a while to protect ourselves. And sometimes we have to help others shut their doors, by going for walks or talking, or eating together. Whatever helps them to rest, to focus on the here and now, even for a short while.
We will begin doing that this Shabbat by baking biscuits and talking about kindness with the youngest members of the community. We hope you will also find some rest too.
Resources for parents - (pajes.org.uk)